Technology keeps on passin' me by... [yeah, insert Pharcyde lyrics here]

The funniest thing ever just happened. It is one of those things, along with a beautiful sunset (which is also happening right now), that makes you appreciate being alive. Someone who is extremely technologically challenged, we'll call him "Mr. B" (name withheld to protect his image), just got an iPhone.

This may not seem like a big deal to anyone. Mr. B has never had a cell phone before, nor does he particularly like phones in general. Or social contact with other people for that matter. He begrudgingly has a home phone that is so ancient it puts out the kind of interference you hear on both ends of the call (what kind of phone line does that these days?). Did I mention that he never answers that phone either? Never. His screening consists of listening to the beginning of the voicemail you leave after the beep, which is preceded by the following outgoing message: "[first name] here...or not here..." and no, I'm not making that up. How could I?

I've digressed into the back story a bit here, but you have to understand the depth of this dive into up-to-date technology for Mr. B. He is anti-technology in so many ways and it is an ongoing debate we've had for years. Brand spankin' new car, bells and whistles come standard...what does he do? Ask them to take OUT the bells and whistles. Who does that? No bluetooth option, okay I see that (you don't use a cell phone, so that's logical to not pay extra for that one)...but remove that fancy navigation package that was built for your car? You drive cross-country regularly! You still have an antenna that is molded to the roof of that car...but no, the navigation has been removed. He doesn't want it telling him where to go. His words. At least he kept the power door locks and windows. But not the automatic seat adjustment controls that keep your preferences saved. Now, that one he'll tell you he regrets. Again, fancy cars come with these things now, you have to ask to get one without that stuff. When I set the clock in the car he says "how'd you do that?" as if it is the greatest mystery to him.

Don't get me wrong - the car is still pretty, shiny and a great driver's car...but if I'm going to have the little bluetooth button embedded in the wheel, I'd rather have the option to USE it instead of having it sit there mocking me. Now you'll see. Wait 'til you start getting all into the iPhone and you want to talk while on a road trip. You'll understand my position then! But who are we kidding? I adore you, I really do, but the day you "get into" any cell phone, let alone an iPhone, to the point of using it via built-in bluetooth on a road trip, is the day the world probably stops turning.

The car is just one example. Mr. B also does not own a TV. Seriously. Okay, Patrick doesn't either, but he builds computers out of duct tape, used dental floss and bubble gum. He understands technology and gets a pass from the oddity of not having a TV (he also has an iPhone, from work, coincidentally). I don't even know where to begin other than the brief things I've already ranted about. It's not just that he got his first cell phone ever, it's that he got an iPhone, folks. You need to use a computer to play nice with setting it up and transferring music, movies, and pictures. But that's okay, he doesn't have any of those things. What? Yeah, no interest in carrying any media things on the iPhone. It's funny, right?

The real inspiration for writing all of this here is because this is an adventure in itself, and one of the dogs previously written about is related to this person, so it seemed appropriate. Plus I wanted to share these quotes:

"When you get an iPhone, does the number come with it?"

And when asking if it also comes with the headphones, he was happy because...

"The last headphones I used were the kinds with the big cups at the end that make you look like a space man."

My personal favorite is this type of smart-ass comment that I am not looking forward to hearing more of...When I say that there is the matter of being hurt by a particular person I had been close to as a friend, instead of great fatherly-mentor advice I get:

"Is there an app for that? There must be. And if I do solve it for you, will you pay me $2.99?"